When I first started Behind the Stall Door I did so because there were not a lot of blogs or sites out there which were focused on women who worked and breastfed, and thus pumped at work.  The logo on the home page is an actual photo I took from my phone back then.  It shows the extension cord I used to run from the one electrical outlet under the stall door of the handicapped stall (hey, I was going to be in there 15-20 minutes and, by golly, I was going to have room).

My place of business at the time, I work from home now, did not have a nursing mother’s room.  In the five years I worked there I was the only person to have children.  I pumped through two babies in that stall.  Before my moms out there get upset, yes, I agree – it is not where I wanted to pump food for my babies to eat.  However, it was the only place I could do so in private, unless I wanted to sit out in a hot car in the parking lot, two doors down from the SWAT team’s office.  The offices all had big picture windows facing out onto the cubicle floor and were not fitted with blinds.  The conference room was enclosed on all sides, but did not have a lock and was in use most of the time.

During my last baby I also pumped driving to and from work.  Yeah, texting and driving is nothing compared to trying to fit a pump onto your breast correctly while driving down country back roads lol  This little tidbit was a suggestion from a lactation consultant I contacted, because I love, love, love her podcast, Mommy’s Milk and More.

I contacted Veronica because I was having problems with a low milk supply.  I drove two plus hours one way to work, worked eight hours or more, depending on the time of year (I worked as my branch’s accountant), and then two plus hours home, depending upon the traffic getting out of the big city.  I was stressed, I was tired, but I was trying to feed my baby and pump enough for her only be supplemented at daycare occasionally.  We, my youngest and I, struggled with milk supply and separation anxiety.  It didn’t help that I also had, and still have, postpartum depression.  I took supplemental herbs and pumped like crazy until she weaned herself at eight months.

That baby just recently turned two years old.  Even though she is most definitely my snuggle bunny still, I miss that closeness nursing brings you.  This may, indeed, be one of the reasons I want another every time I see a new baby in the store lol  Maybe one day we will have another, and if we do, it will be through adoption because my body cannot handle the stress of pregnancy well.  Which means I will not be breastfeeding, unless I get a wee baby and can start lactating again.

The other day on Twitter, I saw a retweet from someone who said they were dreading potty training, because then they couldn’t talk about cloth diapers any more.  Some days I come to this blog and feel the same way.  I have drifted away from the breastfeeding tips and advice and antidotes and have begun focusing more on eco living and my family’s funny little bits here and there.  I have toddlers, but I may buck tradition and still talk about breastfeeding every once in a while.